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This second Tool For Living With Spirit, Mirroring, lets us stand by and watch others acting out behaviors similar to our own. Like Synchronicity, Mirroring engages others to support our self-awareness. I think of them as a network of collaborators called into action by the Divine Collaborator, who’s always there for us.
Mirroring: Seeing Our Own Behavior In Others
The behaviors being highlighted for our attention are easy to identify. They’re triggers for our reactions expressed as annoyance, anger and even the urge to avoid the people acting them out. Our challenge is to accept that we may be facing ourselves. This reality is uncomfortable and sometimes even painful to accept, but the universe is persistent. If we resist the significance of what we face, the universe will repeat the teaching more than once.
Here’s an example of Mirroring: A woman I’ll call Maura is divorced and has a 12-year-old daughter. For several years her daughter has taken ballroom dance lessons that started out as recreation–but ballroom dancing has taken over their lives.
Maura’s finances got so tight that she opened the “Lunch Only Cafe,” which was an instant success. But as the cafe income grows so do the costs of the dance lessons and Maura postpones hiring an assistant. She feels this has caused stress that is affecting her relationships and threatening her business.
Recently, a regular at the cafe complained loudly about the long line of customers waiting for pick-up orders. He also accused Maura of letting the service slip and being unconcerned about the limited time customers have for lunch. His anger hurt and alarmed Maura.
The customer’s outburst is likely a reflection of Maura’s own behavior. Mirroring can be helpful, if she accepts that there’s a relationship between the customer’s outburst and her own. She decided to try Mirroring and before long she was watching a confrontation between a waitress and customer in the cafe at a dancing competition. It made her sick to think she could experience something like that, but later recognized how similar it was to the incident in her own cafe.
Soon there were other eye-openers that shifted Maura’s attention to her own behavior. She could see how abrupt she was when her ex-husband challenged the time their daughter spent dancing, how embarrassed and angry she was when her daughter didn’t turn in her homework on time. She even got angry with a customer who asked how she liked the ballroom dancing competitions, telling her she had no time to talk about anything but orders.
Where was this coming from?
Maura continued the Mirroring process and began to see the reality of her life. Everything focused on ballroom dancing, money and time. Time to get ready for school and work. Time to prepare the cafe’s food. Time to drive hours to a competition. And at each step, she had a nagging fear that the expense of ballroom dancing would outreach her income.
Informed by her own observations, Maura acknowledged how angry she was at herself for creating such a stressful life and how sorry she felt for making her daughter, ex-husband and customers the targets of her anger.
Mirroring: Steps to Self Awareness With Divine Collaboration
(1) Set your intention and align yourself with the Divine in a prayer. (I write intentions down so they’re clear.) Your prayer can be a few words like Heavenly Father/Divine Mother, help me see why people are treating me so harshly. (Maura’s intention.)
(2) Become aware of others’ behaviors that trigger an exaggerated response in you and carefully describe both the behavior(s) and your responses in a notebook. (Maura began by writing about the hostility building among her customers and the similar incident in the cafe at the dance competition.)
(3) Review your notes and stay alert for trigger behaviors, those demonstrated by others that make you upset. (Maura noted her daughter’s growing indifference to her school work and her anger when Maura demanded it be done on time; her husband’s agitation when challenging the amount of time their daughter spent dancing; and her own rudeness to customers.)
(4) Take your time to get beyond the content that disguises your core issue (Maura’s disguises were that she had too little time, too little money) and observe your behavior until you have that aha moment that signals a truth. (Maura’s truth was that she had over-committed her time and money to her daughter’s dancing and was angry at herself for creating such a stressful life–and was appalled and sad that she let it spill into her relationship with her daughter, ex-husband and customers.)
(5) Say a prayer of thanks for the support you’re getting from the Divine each time you record and/or review your progress.
Need help? Contact me through the Comments/Reply section.
P. S. Synchronicity and Mirroring share a kinship. They both engage the collaboration of individuals who may or may not know each other. Foremost is the Divine Collaborator who is responding to your prayer or wish. Then a network of “local collaborators” are called in, people whose daily activities and behaviors become synchronicities and mirrors to raise our self awareness. It’s exciting and joyful to realize how interconnected we are, and that we have the capacity to help each other, even unknowingly.
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The examples in Barbarah’s Blog are created from my training, experience and observations of people and situations.